BRIGHT IDEAS

How to Bring Up The Topic of a BRCA Mutation While Dating

Bright Idea provided by Dr. Stephanie Ross

Carrying a genetic mutation making one more susceptible to breast and ovarian cancer may make dating and relationships feel extra challenging. Let's face it – dating in general is hard enough! While talk of one's "private parts" may come naturally for many women whereas men may be far less comfortable when talk turns to these nether regions. While discussions of health history are generally not great first date conversation starters, as relationships progress and talk turns more serious, it may be appropriate for you to share your story. Finding out you have a health risk is tough and most people need some time to get used to the situation before being able to relate how they feel to others. The most important thing to do is to create your own spin on the situation – to be comfortable with the circumstances and comfortable explaining them to others. Counseling may be useful in helping you to understand your own response to your health circumstances. For many women, their health history is likely linked to a close family member falling ill or dying and this can be very difficult to talk about. The more comfortable you are in your own body, the easier it will be to share. Remember, everyone has inherited health risks and having a BRCA mutation is a known risk as opposed to other risks that may be unapparent. Bear in mind that having a higher than average risk for cancer carries no shame.

• You are so much more than simply your breasts and ovaries! Remember that being high risk for cancer is simply one aspect of your full and fabulous life. Treat this health knowledge as one part of your life that you will gradually reveal as you become more intimate with a prospective partner.
  
  
• Practice on your girlfriends. Learning to share your story with others may be hard. Let a trusted friend or relative provide you with feedback to help you feel more secure.
  
  
• Remember that others may not be as interested in the details of cancer risk or your particular situation as you are. This does not mean they are not interested in you. Invite others to ask questions and refer them to appropriate sources for further education.
  
  
• You don't have to reinvent the wheel. Get support and ideas for sharing from other Bright Pink girls through our PinkPal program, family members who share your predicament or other support organizations listed in our Resources section to help you find effective ways of communicating your unique situation to others.